Fashion? More Like Futuristic Drama: Met Gala 2025
Ah yes, first Monday in May, also known as the Hunger Games of haute couture: Met Gala 2025, themed “Time Travelers’ Ball: From Pharaohs to Futurebots.” Because nothing says “timeless elegance” like Cleopatra meets cyberpunk.
The carpet? No longer red. This year, it’s shimmering iridescent slime, inspired by an AI’s dream about a unicorn rave. Everyone slips at least once. It’s part of the look.
First up: Zendaya. Dressed in a gown made entirely of light particles and rumors. She somehow morphed it mid-carpet from “Ancient Egypt priestess” to “galactic android CEO.” Scientists still don’t know how.
Timothée Chalamet arrives via teleportation, wearing a tailored suit made from recycled Met Gala invites and moon dust. His cheekbones filed a restraining order against the flash photography.
Doja Cat? She rides in on a robotic cheetah, meowing in Morse code. Her dress is 3D-printed in real time as she walks. Each layer reveals another plot twist.
Kim Kardashian comes as a literal hourglass. Tight corset, flowing train, and two assistants holding her together with industrial strength ambition. Her earrings tick like clocks. They’re actually her new skincare alarm reminders.
Rihanna? She’s late, of course. When she finally floats down from the Met rooftop on a bedazzled drone, everyone gasps. She’s dressed as “The Beginning of Time” — wearing a Big Bang explosion recreated in Swarovski crystals.
Jared Leto arrives dressed as the Met Gala theme itself. Abstract, confusing, possibly meaningless. A performance piece? No one asks. We’re all too scared.
Meanwhile, fashion critics are murmuring phrases like “post-human elegance” and “ethereal barbarism” as if they mean something. Anna Wintour smiles once, and the stock market rises 2%.
By the end of the night, at least three people are trapped in their outfits, one celebrity loses a shoe to the slime carpet, and someone eats a jewel thinking it’s an hors d’oeuvre.
And there you have it, Met Gala 2025:
Part runway show, part alternate reality, part extremely chic fever dream. Until next year, keep your fashion bizarre, your metaphors stretched, and your slime-resistant boots handy.